The learning that starts when resolutions break..

 

                                                                                             

                                                                Jn~Anandamayam dEvam nirmala spatikAkruthim
                                                                aadhAram sarva vidhyAnAm HayagrIvam upAsmahE

 

                                                                        

And so I promised myself never to find out my exact relationship [just considering this assumption is true. What do I lose?] (that the squirrel promised :)) with Lord Rama. Who knows? Even Manthara was related. Would I like to call her my ancestor? Isn't it enough that I know I am related. Privileged to be related and privileged to know that too. But I end up looking through Gotra's and pravaras. :) and my findings for the time being.

http://www.salagram.net/Gotras.html

RAGHU VAMSAM
Mahaakavi KaaLidaasa describes the lineage of Sage Aangeerasa in his famous ?Raghu Vamsam?. Do you know who the progenitor of this Vamsam is? It is none other than Sage Aangeerasa. Sri Rama?s GOtra- Pravara recital makes this clear. It says ?Aangeerasa- Ambareesha- Youvanasva?. It is Aangeerasa in whose glorious lineage that we find Sri Rama.

Aangeerasa was the progenitor not only of the famous ?Raghu Vamsam? but also of the great DrONaachaarya, who is one of the central figures in Mahaa bhaarata which attests to this fact: ?DrONamangeerasaam varam; angeerasaam varishTa: Aswataamaa?

Do you know who this Dadeechi Munivar was?
He was the son of ?Atharva?.
Who was this ?Atharva??
He was none other than the famous ?Aangeerasa?
The entire lineage of Aangeeras was known for sacrificing themselves for the sake of universal welfare. No wonder, Dadeechi followed the family tradition.

Ok. So my mother's gotra is Dadeechi. Wow.. from my father's side I'm related to the earthly father of Goddess Ganga, Janhu Maharishi, in turn Sage and Great King Vishwamitra. Well, I may not be in the direct lineage. And typically with my limited knowledge I don't remember anyone quoting their gotra as Aangeerasa Gotra. If only I could get a hold of the house names and Gotras book from my dad... I can find the house names for Sage Aangeerasa. But again, Sage Dadeechi was the direct son of Sage Aangeerasa. Would both have different Gotras? Interesting.. now hold on.. checking another site.

http://www.ibiblio.org/sripedia/srirangasri/archives/srsvol/msg00099.html

Sadaananda, the Raja PurOhit of King Janaka commenced narrating the Gotra and Pravara details of Sri Sita thus:
?Yajur vEDa Saakhaadhyaayineem, Aangeerasa aayaasya gouthama trayarshEya pravaraanvita goutama gOtrOTbhavaam, Chaturdasa Bhuvanaadeeswareem, akhilaaNDa kODi brahmaaNDa naayikaam, tattva swaroopiNeem, Chandra vamsa pradheepikaam, saraNaagata vatsalaam, vEdigarbhOditaam, padma alankruta kara kamalaam, kalahamsa kamineem, indeevara lOchanaam, divya srag vastra bhooshaNaam, hari chandana lipta bhujaantaraam, vidhyut prabhaam, visaalaaksheem, srida kunjita moordhajaam, hamsaamkita kshoumENa kinchit peetEna samvrutaam, vaasitEnottareeyENa suraktEna susamvrutaam, jagan maataram, nimi vamsOdbhavaam, SwarNarOma mahaaraaja varmaNa: napthreem, hrasvarOma mahaaraaja varmaNa: poutreem, Janaka mahaaraaja varmaNa: putreem, sree Seetaa naamneem saakshaath lakshmee swaroopiNeem imaam kanyaam??
Meaning:
? This bride named Sri Sita is offered in holy wedlock to you:
She belongs to Yajur Veda, She belongs to Pravara consisting of the three Rishis viz., Aangirasa, Aayaasya and Goutama, She belongs to Goutama Gotra, She is the Queen of the 14 worlds, She is the head of the entire BrhmaaNDam consisting of innumerable aNDaas, She is the one who permeates all the ChEtana and AchEtana Tattvas, She is the one who illuminates the lineage of the moon (Chandra Vamsam), She shows extraordinary compassion to all those who surrender unto her, She is the one who is born from the Sacrificial pit (Yaaga VEDi), She holds in her hand the lotus flower, She has the gait of a swan, She has bewitching eyes like the flower of the blue-black water lily (Neithal) flower, She wears divine garlands, dresses and ornaments, She has her chest smeared with fragrant perfume of sandal paste, She has her locks of hair in an attractively wavy fashion, She wears a whitish yellow colored silk saree with borders designed in the form of swans, She wears a scented upper cloth that shines in a natural red hue, She is Mother Goddess herself, She appeared in the Vamsam of Nimi Mahaaraaja, She is the great grand daughter of SwarNarOma Mahaaraaja, She is the grand daughter of HrasvarOma Mahaaraaja, She is the daughter of Janaka Mahaaraaja, She is the very incarnation of Mahaalakshmi?
Thereupon, VasishTa, the Kula guru of Raghu kula started narrating the details of Gotra, Pravara etc. of Sri Rama:
?Yajur vEDa Saakhaa adhyaayinE, VaasishTa, MaitraavruNa KouNDinya trayaarishEya Prvaraanvita, VasishTa GotrOdbhavaaya, Tribhuvanaadheesaaya, AkhilaaNDa kOti BrahmaaNDa naayakaaya, Tattva ateetaaya, Sat chit Ananda moortayE, Soorya Vamsa Paavanaaya, Akhila jagad aananda kaarakkaya, Ksheeraabdi VaasinE, SaraNaagata vatsalaaya, Kousalyaananda Vardhanaaya, ThaTakaa ThaaTakEyaantakaaya, Sree Paada rENu paalita Goutama kaLatraaya, Parama Bhaagavata architaaya, khaNDeekrita tripura chaapaaya, Saadu jana nivaasa vrukshaaya, LakshmaNa agrajaaya, Sreevatsa ? Koustuba ? haara - kanaka kEyooraadi DivyaabharaNa bhooshitaaya, Vaijayantee Vanamaala sObitaaya, Ikshvaaku Vamsa Udbhavaaya, Naabhaaga VarmaNa: naphtrE, Aja Mahaaraaja VarmaNa: poutraaya, Dasaratha Mahaaraaja VarmaNa: putraaya, Sree Raamachandra VarmaNE Saakshaat NaaraayaNa svaroopaaya varaaya??
Meaning:
? This bridegroom will accept this bride in holy wedlock:
He has studied Yajur Veda; He belongs to the Pravara consisting of three Rishis viz., VasishTar, MaitraavaruNar and KouNDinyar; He is born in the VasishTa Gotra; He is the Lord of all the three worlds; He is the head of this BrahmaaNda consisting of crores of aNDas; He is above and beyond all the ChEtana and AchEtana Tattvas that we see; He is the very personification of Sat, Chit and Ananda; He enhances the pristine purity of the lineage of the Sun (Soorya Vamsa); He brings joy to everyone; He is the one having YoGa nidra in the milky ocean; He shows mercy to all who surrender unto him; He brings unsurpassed joy to his dear mother, Kousalya; He was the nemesis for TaTaka and her ilk; He made Ahalya, wife of Sage Goutama come alive by dint of touch of the dust at his holy feet: He is praised by the ardent devotees and Rishis: It is he who wielded the bow in the hands of Lord Siva reputed to have burnt the Tripura; He is the ultimate refuge of saintly souls; He is the elder brother of LakshmaNa; He wears the mole of Srivatsa, the koustuba gem, Garland of pearls, Holy basil (TuLasi) and Vaijayanti on his chest; He is the most auspicious: He belongs to Ikshvaaghu Vamsam: He is the Great grandson of Naabhaaga Mahaaraaja Varma; He is the grandson of Aja Mahaaraaja Varma; He is the son of Dasaratha Mahaaraaja Varma; He is Sree Ramachandra Varma; he is verily Lakshmi NarayaNa himself?
As King Janaka gave his word (Vaak daanam), Sri Rama, the bridegroom held the hand of Sri Sita in token of accepting her in marriage. Sri Rama, who was hitherto Dasaratha Rama and Kosala Rama, became Sita Rama.

Now who in heaven's name is in the lineage of Sage Aangeerasa? All said and done, I'm sure Sage Vasishta could not be a progenitor after being the Royal Guru. I have heard somewhere that sometimes, it is the name of their royal Gurus that kings take for their Gotras. But Pravaras.. ? No idea unless someone out there throws light. And all this for the sake of a squirrel that is not even Indian. :).

Sri Ramajayam.

Just when I complete 30 I get wishes from more people than I think I would. Bloody... my cousin is only 4 months older than me and has fixed himself a girl to marry. Both of us were in one of the parks in the city last week and were discussing situations. my life, his life, both of us sticking to resolutions.. oh hold on.. me stuck to resolution.. well, he was creating the sympathy scene by saying he was just like me but I know he mentioned pallavi, savitha.. and i forget the other girls.. .. hmph.. boys are boys!!!!! Can never be changed I swear.
So what he was saying was that 'we 'should never have rejected proposals let alone going after opportunities, limiting ourselves to our own very selective community. I remember the time I discussed this issue with a chat friend years ago. We told each other our parents' generation is not one that can take inter-caste marriages and we, not having the heart to break anyone's, will not consider either. On the other hand since we ourselves were not against this idea, will make sure our own children have their liberties. How many times have I heard my mom show me examples of people, my own father's sister, my mother's uncle, both a case of inter-caste marriage and considered outcasts. My mother's uncle was in fact made to sign a community agreement saying he will no longer be considered a part of the community. 40 years and still they are not accepted. How many times has she passed the comment offhandedly, 'even if girls want to make a choice for marriage why can't they choose someone from the same community'. Oh well, she chose someone from the same community. Her own father's sister's son to whom she is the first right in marriage. They did make sure they got married inspite of opposition from both sides. And now, why am I made to look back at all the decisions I made? Why should I be made to feel bad? Something that never struck me before and someone recently said that sounded like a chord struck from violin hard - why should you consider? They themselves had no regards for their parent's feelings. did they?.. never struck me that way. but which ever way I go I will be held responsible now. I take a decision now, it's like a squirrel that fell from it's nest. It's mother never allows it inside. If I let them take decisions, I get fixed with the first handfuls of long unmatcheds. Dad is more interested in building his house with no compromises on vaastu. but okaying a someone's proposal so unlookable [I'm not the only one to say this.. my cousin said he himself will hang me if I had okayed this proposal] but with a phd from iit, or someone with such a horrible horoscope that has no match with mine but a double ms in the US really isn't a concern for his daughter. Mom is more interested in making sure nobody says they are wrong. all these years and i'm told i cannot share my feelings at home. A set of 11 points listing the conditions for me to enter home including.. "We are also willing to come down provided you follow these"..  "I promise that I will not dominate over matters in the house".. [when have I ever had my say for that matter?],.. all that I asked was a little respect in front of others and that too for fixing two of my own laptops that they broke... and so I have replied "your daughter will never want to see you down. she is not worth coming down. you can stay wherever you feel you are comfortable".. and yes in truth, I could clearly see that my presence is not making them happy. then why? if that is what they desire.. so be it.. now just because they don't want fingers pointed, they want me to accept it as my mistake... and in between people who say they are concerned about me are asking me to look out by myself. eventually, i will be told that i made a decision on my own and cannot be accepted!!! or mistake accepted, as before i will carry this blame for the rest of my life. And all this is just to decide whether I should decide. No one even in the remotest of time frames. it's tough when your father was a manager who never knew a win-win situation and always operated on a lose-lose or win-lose. Beginning with the end in mind I believe. whoever came up with these brilliant business ideas.. nefarious concepts that can be implemented at home. And that too in a world that is for men and men alone.. oh well.. all apart my silence was just to let them feel if they thought what they did was right.. if they still feel it is.. so be it. I am theirs. They have complete rights over my life. ask me to kill myself? I will and yet they will not understand. so be it.

.. I didn't vote inspite of Tata tea's Jaago re ad [Raaman aandaalum ravana aandaalum enakkoru kavalai illa.. talaivar solla tatta koodathu paarunga.. ]. Well, I did start to buy Tata Gold tea instead.. and guess what I'm rolling on the floor with laugher.. my maid took a whole day off for casting vote and I've been thinking she's become a responsible citizen. She tells me today, that she was bribed to vote for a hundred rupees and I'm scolding her for not bargaining for five hundred [Aaaru style]. And that's not all, she's been told that they will build a house for her. So she went to ask for the details and she's been asked to show them the land that she owns to build the house. Why would she ask them to build a house for her if she was financially well off to own the land... lol.. btw, don't get me wrong, my registration is not here and if I could I would have definitely voted.

Just when we thought the weather was getting hotter than bearable in a relatively cool place, there were thunder storms and rain flooding the roads yesterday. A few days before I had surprisingly returned home at 7 in the evening and found a thick smog under the street lights. And to think that this is one of the quietest residential streets around. I wonder what this city would be without rains. Smoke will be prevalent everywhere, uncleaned, rising temperature, suffocating people, causing them to shut the windows in cars and swit. What about the other cities that don't benefit from rains? Global Warming... the other day we had a manager from the US commenting about the effects of global warming here, and pop came our tech lead.. wait.. I need to quote him exactly to visualize this "Global warming? we don't have global warming here. There's a lot of traffic, smoke, pollution and it causes a slight rise in temperature but global warming does not happen here".. and I'm trying to bite my cheeks, drink water, search for my handkerchief... finally "God save me from breaking out!". Getting serious, people.. what is the use of educated people, computer engineers with education from iit's[i don't know about pilani, lots have changed now but until we graduated, rules were different there] if that is all they care about the planet. Ask them about IPL, cricket, brand information they know. What for?

Everyone wants to be successful. Everyone wants to make money. Everyone wants to travel fast. Job cuts. Economy crisis. Strikes a chord somewhere?.. second or third points in Darwin's theory of evolution? First comes overproduction, then competition for food and then survival of the fittest and if I remember right, I believe the fourth is natural selection. Or instead of moving towards evolution, are we just emulating the lost city of Atlantis?

Last time someone raised this at the meditation center. It was openly accepted that nothing can be done as long as people cannot change their way of thinking. Well, how can one change when his survival priorities conflict? In any case, the belief is that when there is a thought[it is believed that a wave is formed that travels..], a seed is sown. The seed takes birth as actions later. My question is how many should think to bring a seed to fruition.

And oh, I forgot to update, Maharishi's organization is splitting. The main group that is converting most things to profit orientation, including the Maharishi's site http://vethathiri.org.. what? the last time I saw this, the free articles site was converted to one with subsidized fee and now I see MS Silverlight ad and I can read Anboli online... wow.. anyways, I'm told the main group is getting profit oriented and the others including Maharishi's adopted daughter Uma are moving out. It is to see who will joins who. In any case what is surprising is that how could this be happening post Guruji's demise. Guruji's stance is that a Guru cannot be nominated, they have to form on their own. And this organization is for world peace. If his teachings are truely followed, they would never split. anyways, what is to happen will happen. let's see.

Why am I continuing this? There's heaps of work both at office and at home....
I just wanted to make sure this was correct. When I was writing yesterday's weekend update, I don't remember which line but almost to the end, a something like a block got cleared in the left side of my brain and till now I'm feeling more myself. I was about to update that too yesterday but I didn't know how long this was going to stay. As soon as my head got cleared, there was an unusual feeling of satisfaction. As though I was so relieved and happy to have written this... I'm just thinking.. why? I would never feel happy for writing such a thing. My natural feeling would a be a disgust at being so weird. Obviously this fact itself would be a mar on my image. Why would people talk to me. But this morning I got us and though not completely free, felt fresh, myself, maybe a little something less.. but natural. wondering, what's happening? A week before this happened twice. I wanted to change the TV channel because the one playing was boring. The remote was in my hands(right), fingers had not touched a single button. Infact my thumb was nowhere close to any button. The channel changed to one that was telecasting a semi classical kathak composition... exactly when it was starting.. not a second less, or a second more and a good one to watch I should say. I would have been sorry if I had missed it. And I was trying to rationalize.. the channel number was nowhere close to the one before so an accidental trigger of the up or down button may not be possible and the other buttons..., yes the channel was single digit.. so may be just one button got mistriggered..hmm..the TV is new.. may be it was a fluke..Unless there was microchip in my body with all my likes and dislike this could not have happened. If anyone was there with me.. the force didn't feel bad.. And God? if he was with me.. didn't know he liked semi-classical.. lol. the other time there was something dirty playing on the TV and again I just had to pick the remote, it automatically went to a channel for news.. way past the previous channel again... how.. may be it was really an electronic goof up, cause a few years ago, I found the mouse moving irratically on my monitor. scared I called my coworker who sat in the opposite room. While I was scared, the behaviour would not repeat, it actually did and we opened the small clip at the back that stores the mouse tracker and found a few dog hairs. Aparently, our office admin had got her dog the day before and somehow the dog liked my computer's mouse a lot. lol. but this does not discount the time, when I found one of my manager's name blinking in red in something as simple as a word document. I know there are softwares to monitor other terminals.. unless there was some admin somewhere who wanted to warn me about him this could not have happened. and aparently he was working against me at that point of time..whatever..I just don't want to fall sick now. and the way things are feeling I don't think I will.
so long, bye...

So before I start, there was a blog here before and I removed. As usual, I talk ill of someone and my day is ruined. The whole of Sunday gone with environment unloading, reloading, restarting, rebooting, removing pluggins, adding them again and finally at 6 on monday morning it starts working. And I had just deleted the blog on the night of Sunday. I swear I'll be careful in future ..

That apart I attended the 4th level for my meditation class on Sunday. This time there were no new types of meditation taught but couple new of lectures. Most were boring, except one that I really wanted to have more details on. Life before birth and after death. Some of these will require to know the meditation procedure and I am actually not allowed to talk before completing the next stage.. A few even I wouldn't believe (what the heck, a fetus's sex she says is defined after fusion... she has heard somewhere about X and Y chromosomes but just enough to mix up the theory.. however I believe the others that she said was from the book she is given and that should be written by Maharishi.. so.. )I'm just jotting a few main points here. when I have time I'll see if I can expand. The only thing I wanted to know was what happens after death (believe me.. before birth, I think she herself is confused).
There are 3 things that can happen. the soul mingles and merges with like minded people (satisfied soul), soul torments opposite minded people(unsatisfied) or goes to the moksha stage (called shiva kalam(specific terminology in this type of meditation)).
she also explained what attaining moksha was and going into Jeeva samadhi.
another interesting thing was when she mentioned that the method of leaving the body and going outside is possible but is not taught anymore since people end up misusing it... interesting. the voice I had heard. the strong invisible arms not letting me go. "Little one, take me wherever you are going" and in English... but why me. The burning spark as though I had crossed a straight line field of electricity..the couple(distant relatives i was meeting for the first time) who spoke to me for atleast for 20 minutes in the office and the lady surely had brown eyes. Something looked suspecious so I didn't go home with them but after getting treated for typhoid when I'm back after 2 months with my mom, she has completely black eyes and no she says she never uses contact lens. So it all started that night when I saw the paper globe above the television swaying slowly. Obviously it was an air conditioned hotel. All windows sealed.. where was the wind to sway this? I look at it keenly and suddenly there is something... something residing in the ball as though it is hiding. I think to myself - get out of here whoever you are.. and the whatever.. responds 'let me stay here.. I will do anything you want' and I threateningly ask back, 'anything?' and in response when I turn back, I see the moisturizer and shampoo bottle on the ash tray shaking as though there is an earth quake.. First pangs of fear creeping in, I hit the bed with blanket completely covered and start chanting every mantra I know. Next day I have high fever, later diagnosed typhoid. were they all really hallucinations? and why for so many years. I get up the same way I slept. Time has just run past but there is nothing that came out of sleeping especially in the last two years. I'm feeling much better with meditation now.. if not for anything I avoid neck sprains but a certain 10% seems to be left behind always that keeps growing if I don't practice regularly... somehow I feel I'll know what's happening or at least I'll find a way out... let's see.

While Dad was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked stone & scratched lines on the side of the car.

In his anger, Dad took the child's hand & hit it many times, not realizing he was using a wrench. At the hospital, his child has already lost his all fingers & child asked "Dad when will my fingers grow back?" Dad was so hurt.

He went back to car and kicked it a lot of times.

Sitting back he looked at the scratches, child wrote "I LOVE YOU DAD".

Moral Of The Story: Anger And Love Has No Limits!

hmm.... going to send this to blackmail my dad, Monsieur Daksha Prajapati..

time for a few blogs to go and I was just going through a blog mine which felt good to read. May be I'll add this link else where in the blog but for now, I'll place it here.

http://lolahasta.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!6A45489D7CE34B47!146.entry

Can't stop wondering at my own spontaneity. lol. been laughing at it for a while.

"Math of Love has a Main Operation... Multiplies our Happiness.."

"Do you know if there are statics[functions] as well.. would help a lot to cut down on most of them for communication "

Just thought of writing a blog on divine bloopers.. but neither do i have the mood now nor do i have time to write a blog. But interesting, someone remembered me today. Someone thinks a girl forgets everything and catches new boy. and someone a while ago searched for 'please' on windows search and requested for my sketch and also tried to answer my query which was useful. I'm happy that some being out there is in synch and sick that there's no other way they can communicate. so be it. btw, "don't worry, I don't get bought by words". ignore I will but mention just once.

Just found the below extract from my bro's mail interesting. "It is the nature of man to be afraid of something that is better than him." I wonder what he really means because it feels different for me. I accept the superiority if it is genuine and used to feel nothing but revolt if otherwise. Least of all.. fear. Or is it the difference in the way boys and girls think? If he is really hinting at what I was thinking, may not be too much of a surprise for me. But the truth is hard to digest. I'm sure I will find an end to this issue. Let's see.

All I can tell is that when the lions are sleeping, the hyenas come out to play. People are rather taking advantage of the communication gap that we have been having and I dont know how to explain it to you. When you get some time, read Lord of the Rings. Its not just an adventure book. It has a lot of things that would make you understand how people think. There is something called the Palanthir, its a kind of seeing stone, like a crystal ball. When the middle age began, the kings of the middle earth were given seven Palanthirs. One for each king and using them the kings could see whatever is happening in their Realm. The Palanthirs were powered by the magic that created them and the ability of the kings. So, the paths or no two Palanthir intersected, i.e. one king could not see what the other king saw. But Sauron the dark lord, used this gap and ofcourse the human nature of wanting to always be better than thy neighbour, generously bartered the kings more power and tempted them to look beyond their realms. What dark thoughts had the kings in their minds when they were tempted to look beyond their need, was amplified by Sauron's manipulation of what the kings saw. The Palanthir would not lie. But Sauron was able to distort the truth. Everything the kings saw was true, but there was always something more or something less than actually was seen by the kings. Eventually the Kings fought against each other and with the other creatures that were always in peace with nature. It is the nature of man to be afraid of something that is better than him. I hope you understood what I am trying to tell. If you dint, then I m sorry, I really am not good with explaining stuff. Please do read the book. Its a good one.

Lord Rama rejecting his wife Devi Sita to satisfy people around him even though she took the fire test.
Goddess Tulsi... Feels as though women have never been wanted. Scriptures have always said stay away from them. Even for Goddess Lakshmi who was born as Devi Sita this was true. This is the reason given to Lord Ram to stick to his duties and not fall for a woman.
So what is her life? Should the modern girl just realize what is in her happiness and take a decision or be strict with her family duties as a daughter, wife and sister?
If it is stupidity to base your life on other's loose talks then why did the Lord and his consort take it on themselves to suffer. Oh ok.. fine they are Gods. We are human beings.. still.. what is the right way?
My Uncle, the first in the country to get a Doctor of Letters was explaining to me of his position between the devil and the rock while completing accreditation for his college. A Goonda VP says the grading should never be more than B and the senior VP who is a very genuine person says he wants the best and an A. My uncle is caught in between and he has to satify both. So I ask him finally what did you do? He says he tried everything and made sure the rating was B. Awed I ask why? shouldn't you have supported the person who was good? Answer: What can one person do? This, for a university that teaches the principles of the father of this nation... forget the person but just think of the morals of what you are teaching?
The truth... a hard gulp to swallow... is such a killer.

This is one blog long delayed. but still posting for it's content. Riding my dio as usual early in the morning with a strong resolution to go to the gym, I had seen the recently released Vaaranam Aayiram. The wind was chill and it was maarghazhi. And the song sounded melodious. My primary accoutre being my gym bag, I shut the helmet Sheild to cut the wind beating on my cheeks and in effect closing my ears tight from the outside sounds. The lines of the song keep repeating in my ears...Oh shanti shanti oh shanti, ini nee than endan Andadi...I later figured the lyrics.. But for the time being, my thoughts were intrigued by 'Andadi'. I might have forgotten my ipod but my brain seemed to be substituting well enough. I didn't know which was more captivating, the tune or it's lyrics and words like Andadi... hmm.. sounds like a karnatic raagam, but why would the writer refer to his girl as Andadi.. what was so important about this... While I make a mental note to find this later, a fat Ambassador car overtakes me and the passenger in the back seat is waving franticly. I look down.. oops, my bag is gone with all clothes and mobile!!!

Nenjukkul peithidum maa mazhai,
Neerukkul moozhgidum thamarai,
Sattendru maaruthu vaannilai,
Penne un meel pizhai,

Nillamal veesidum peeralai,
neenjukkul needidum taarakai,
ponvannam soodiya taarikai,
Penne nee kaanchanai,

Oh Shanti Shanti oh Shanti,
en uyirai uyirai nee yeendi,
Yeen sendrai sendrai enai thandi,
Eni neethan endhan Andadi...

And not to have heard the thud... Sir, writer.. onga meel pizhai!!!

Jokes apart, I did find out what Andadi meant. A style of writing poetry where the ending of one verse is the beginning of the next. and here's the story

In recent times, there was a puzzling character who was considered a recluse and even demented but he was unconcerned about his surroundings as he was ever immersed in meditation. What he said came to be true. A ruler of his place wanted to test whether he was really a divine personality or he was insane. To a question, the saintly person made a remark that the day was a full moon day while actually it was a new moon day. He was asked to substantiate his version and everyone thought he would get caught. But to prove the correctness of his word, the Divine Mother caused a miracle to happen. This unique devotee was Abhirami Bhattar who lived in Thirukkadavoor in Tamil Nadu. His work Abhirami Andadi, is extremely popular and praises the Divine Mother's grace.

Hinduism emphasises that God and His consort are inseparable and compare the former to the skeleton and the latter to the blood and skin covering it to present a living body. Some are ardent devotees of the Divine Mother and are known as ``Sakthi'' worshippers as they always invoke Her guidance and blessings. As one deeply attached to Abhirami, one of the manifestations of Sakthi, he proved his statement. Adopting a standing posture, with flames from a pit underneath and a contrivance with 100 ropes dangling above his head, he started singing the glory of his Goddess. But till he composed 78 verses, there was no response from Mother Abhirami but in the next, She displayed the dazzling ear-stud from Her person and there was bright light everywhere spreading lustre as on a full moon day. He completed 100 verses, strictly confining to the rules of Tamil grammar and in the style called ``Andadi'', the concluding word of one verse appearing as the beginning of the following. In his lecture, Sri K. P. Arivanandam explained that the concept behind Sakthi worship hinges on the adoration of one's mother. Each verse of Abhirami Andadi throws light on pilgrim places dedicated to Divine Mother all over the country. Even today, visitors throng to the holy place of his stay, Thirukkadavur.

courtesy: http://www.thehindu.com/thehindu/2001/10/31/stories/10310906.htm

Nice. And what is even more nice is that even today something as common as a film song can intrigue interests to age old artifacts that held importance. Good going.

life is more hectic than ever been. A series of challenges to face and mindsets to break. Though I know it's a game, I still anticipate the outcome. strange is the strangeness of it's execution. While it is the end that sounds relaxing, what is it's use if it is to end?

I know, a few days later, I am going to feel so stupid for writing this. I'll hope i won't delete this. or may be i will.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U18dgQDp3Zo
very interesting. song above says the goddess gave Surya kulam(dynasty). never heard this before and never knew Goddess Saraswati was Sourastra Maata. wonder if river Saraswati has anything add too.

So this was going to be a list of all things going awry,  and the feeling of total primitiveness with eons of ages of change in humanity to catch up. But every so often there is this one incidence that occurs giving you the courage to go ahead and I'm happy to share it with the hope that it will help others too.

I have wondered with every decision I take contemplating between sticking to the obvious practicality of survival instincts and the fight for the righteous even if it means single-handedly, the power of mass has always been difficult to understand. What is the point in having the principles of physics at the tip of your fingers when in a group of three(including you) two people support each other saying water will flow out of a washing machine even if the outlet pipe is raised about the water level? What is the point in learning geography when a couple of office colleagues join to say Bombay is North of India? What is the point in speaking up in a meeting for the good without knowing the clout you possess in the group? Did I miss observing my peers? Should I practice to blame someone immediately as soon as something occurs to stop people from blaming me? Should I start to say "I am not this.." "I am not that.." in order for people to define me? Do they not have brains and judgement of their own? Isn't everything yellow to a jaudice eyed? Doesn't beauty lie in the eyes of the beholder? Isn't the person judging just defining him/herself? There was a master for General Mental Abilty long ago and whether I picked his subject or not I picked the advice he gave, "Do not judge anyone". Should I change this and start bitching and back biting and talking crap? Should my instinct only be survival and living in luxury with whatever means? Did I wrongly understand that good people support the right and there is nothing needed to solicit their favor as long as you are good? Where are the rules? Where are these righteous people? People who sacrificed their own lives for their duties. Neengal ellam soppanam thaano?.. Pala arpa maayaigalo?.. unnul aazhtha poruzhul illayo?..In a land filled with stories of morals and guidance to youngsters, why is it that nobody is following any. Or are these stories and myths mere pass time invented in the past?

I listen to a lecture in my meditation class, while the lines Annai petral pen endru, adanal thane tuyar indru..[yaarai than nabuvatho pethai ullam..no idea of the film name] keeps resounding in my ears and the speaker points to me saying I am Bharathi's kanda kannamma, having full freedom to do what I want to do... I don't know which of the two caused me the discomfort to hold back emotions. My manager tells me my rating even before I start my work. Will I have enough proof to convict him of bad management? I see documents, mails, code altered deleted from my laptop in the past, right in front of my eyes. I know this is not from an external source. Can I call in the authorities to take action? Novel way I should say to rate performance. Keep the person busy and they will never perform. I talk to my friends and brother and they says, this happens everywhere infact my brother says he himself does this. I do tell him I'm ashamed of him but later I am having to go to him to learn the nuances of corporate culture. Of course, one out of the two incidences got me in touch with a genuine person who did what he could in his capacity. Asked one manager to leave and the other heading him to be demoted and disposed to a position that had no teams reporting to him (obviously he had more years in the company). And again, officially the manager left for a better position and the senior person took another challenging role. All these happened slowly, but heart of hearts bless these genuine people. I don't want to trouble them more by attaching myself. My views are primitive and old. I believe in not desiring what is not mine and knowing that all that is expected of me is sincerity and hardwork. What is mine will come to me, come whatever. I believe in truth. I believe in the teachings of Bhagavat Gita and understanding each character from Drona and Bheeshma who fought even when they knew they were on the wrong side to Karna who had no guidance but stuck to friendship and dharma.
I find balance in following "Karmanye Vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachana,
Ma Karma Phala Hetur Bhurmatey Sangostva Akarmani"
Translated from Sanskrit: "You have a right to perform your prescribed action,but you are not entitled to the fruits of your action.
Never consider yourself the cause of the results your activities,and never be associated to not doing your duty."
I am practicing now to accept success and failure as one. To treat success as something that will pass and to treat failure as something that came to teach life. To detach yourself and be ready to say Sarvam Krishnaarpanam!!!
So after moving to my new location two months back, these girls group against me and ask me to leaving in a month saying I breach their trust (which is unfounded) and the contract says I need to move. I have no patience to argue and say if that is the case so be it. Four against one is not a good place to talk. Next day early morning I'm back from my meditation classes and am thinking what is next without focusing on why all this happened because it is going to make me feel bad. Just when I am reaching home though, there is this final thought, "Krishna.. but I ventured into this after remembering you. Is this where you are leading me?" Personally I know I haven't done anything... So brushing this last thought aside, I go to the house owner uncle and say there has been a misunderstanding and I will be vacating next month. The reason I told him was because he had to return my advance money and had to be prepared for it. And I climb the stairs and am inside the house. Just went I'm getting ready, uncle comes up and wants to know why is it that I am leaving. I say there has been a misunderstanding. He further asks if there is anything they should change in order that I can stay in their house. I'm shocked and tell him what happened. So there was just one question he asked me "Who are they to ask you to leave?" It took me aback completely. I pulled my hand behind to control the shiver that had spread on one of the arms while the other was trying to control it. And I listen.. "your contract is with me. I want you to stay here. If they want ask them to leave." I don't know what I did to gain so much trust from a whole family in just 2 months of my stay with them. Or did Krishna have a chat with them .. well.. so I stay back and start speaking for my rights these days. Specifying the rules wherever applicable and making sure my boundary is not breached.

All is well and in good time. I can still believe. But what was it that was different now and how is it that things changed in this situation. One thing I observed was that previously though I was right, my anger had propelled my actions. I had lost my patience and had wounded myself. I had expected results for my actions. I had wanted to prove I was right. As a result I believe I could do only things that were in my sole capacity (which was nothing!!!). Now I hadn't contemplated. I simply let people do what they wanted and decide what they liked. Lesson learnt well!!!

[people who do not believe in religion and divinity quit after this.. or read as you like it :)]
There have been innumerable times God had proved that he existed to me. Be it the time when I felt guilty in a certain incident and asked him to give a huge mark that I would remember for the whole of my life. and the next day I spot a red spot smaller than 1/2 of a millimeter in diameter in the place I had asked him to punish. Is this all you could do?.. .. the spot looks beautiful and you are being very naughty. To the time I had tried to move out of my body because of this very same corruption I found in humanity. I couldn't stand the faking and selfishness. The reason was simple. My dad had asked me to die(ofcourse he din't mean it) and I found myself absolutely of no use to anyone existing. I was battling with this same force that I had spotted in the hotel (that's another story, I'll tell you later if required) and I found no reason to come back after an attempt to burn it by burning myself (not physically). And... I came back!!! or rather was kicked back.. What to do? There are worse things that can happen other than death, even after death itself. And I have to be responsible. But still there are these times which make you forget him. And so I will not forget. Infact I wonder what this force is doing.. because only when I am at peace it stops bothering me. When I think of someone and start building anger and in effect hatred, it starts making this rrrr... noise somewhere in the head. And when I forgive giving the benefit of doubt to the person, it completely stops.. whatever.. strange.

I don't get it. Either I'm not seeing something evident or this is yet another corporate disaster. How can someone confess to something as great as 7000 crores with as straight a statement as I am feeling guilty? Was there no other option? I've been going through the story again and again trying to recreate the intention in all different versions. The company needed to grow. An image needed to be built for investors. But isn't this the same as selling a product to consumers? Aren't there advertisement half claiming things that are not imaginable even in the nearest to ideal conditions. Isn't it encumbered on the buyers to be wary of products. Aren't there those "conditions apply" lurking in fine prints in those advertisement parts? Agreed, balance sheets are in black and white. But if it was possible even after those scrutinizing audits, then why not? Isn't this called business? And yes talk to me about straight forward and loyal business and I'll make sure I check your balance sheets. The wierdest thing here is that personal monetary greed is not even showing up in the picture. and to top it in the last stage, personal assests were being considered to even out the situation. A blunder in strategies sure.. agreed but a fraud worth being framed in every picture on every news channel? I don't know. And even if everything were true, why one man? Does he know hypnosis or magic to fool others? I don't think so.
And thanks to my attempts to research portfolio management, not that I learnt anything useful but chanced to land on an economics book that defined the theory of a firm as it's sole resolve to continuously increase it's value/assets. Value being it's equivalent in bills and dollars or assets being it's physical properties. Isn't there a saturation point somewhere? Is this what everyone want to live for? Adi Shankarar in BhajaGovindam calls people fools, who possess thirst to wealth. True focusing on wealth alone is foolishness. But then according to the above definition why set up a firm then? When the ground rules are set to compete for foolishness, why crib on the consequence? This isn't satya yuga, neither threta nor dwapar. Kali is full. How many have been forced to give up principles, bend to survive? How successful are the others who din't? How many times have you realized that just because you have been truthful you missed an opportunity or may be your life? How many inflated their job resumes? Claimed unrealistic things and then ramped up when the time was ripe? Wasn't this possible? or if it wasn't weren't there options to give excuses? Isn't this situation similar? then what is this whole racket about? I don't get it..

Firstly, it's been a huge pain to hear the attack in Mumbai. Heavens console the affected. And a huge wish for normalcy to regain.

That said, I felt it was time I updated this blog on my personal health of which even I am surprised. A battle of 2 years (or probably more) with god knows what force I was/am dealing with. Not a single day spared. And sharing this, in case someone has similar experiences and would find my experience useful. First the irritation starts with a slight heaviness in the head and surprisingly (this i discovered when I was trying to work hard on my project in canada and the throbbing in my head wouldn't allow me to concentrate) if I don't start chanting immediately, the pain gets worse. And I was suprised here because most of the time, I don't even attach any sentiments or feelings. And it was just sub conscious chanting or listening to a devotional song. I don't know how this worked. Best part is it's timing. Just when there is this person who is giving a devious explanation in the office and I have to catch every point to tackle the situation, the throbbing would start. I would gasp, not now... this is important. oh but no.. this is when i have to bear it. The more I tried to control it, more was the repercussion. And it chose it's work area on it's free will, ranging from squealing pains in the head, a seeming sprain in the neck-not reacting to medication-two days off from the office cause my neck was not able to support the heaviness of my head and would send a severe pain with the slightest bend, a little lower and it's a dry cough, still lower it would be severe pain in the heart and suffocation in breathing and I later found this was also the reason I felt exhausted for no reason all the time. Summing up, absolutely inexplainable. Except for twice though complete submission and deep devotion via meditation I was able to negate the effects completely. But this was very difficult. Also my first attempt for GRE was so screwed up. exactly when I started the verbal, the throbbing in the head started and my quant was a complete diaster. Cancelled the scores. A day before the test had started I tried to do proper meditation on my own and there was this vibrating motor like force with an rrrrrr.. sound on the back of my neck, which would neither be controlled or allow me to concentrate and when I concentrated on the force, it would grow even worse and I almost thought it was going to pull the vertibrae junction on my spine apart. (Imagine talking to a physician. I don't even know what part of the problem I want him to concentrate and that is.. given that he thinks I am still sane.) Thankfully again, I got to speak to my friend of mine who inturn knew a friend of her mother's that sufferred from something similar. She told me he started his kundalini yoga practice from scratch again. Coincidentally I had also practised a simplified form of kundalini yogo around 12 years ago... Immediately got in touch with the center. Spoke to an experienced person there. Though no one there could relate to what I was speaking they said they would give it a try and start meditation from scratch. We were even planning to get a tranquilizer prescribed if required first. And it worked. Two weeks from then I took my next attempt for GRE. Well, my preparation was not great and I definitely could have done better. But with a score of 1310 and a feeling with "was it as simple before" was definitely amazing. and today was the first time in like two years of conscious struggle, (I'm continuing to the second stage in the center) I felt the first whiff of blissful normalcy. Quite a relief for a few moments. A little more practice and I should be in control from here now on...
that's for now, Bye,
Bless one and all. Think Good and keep smiling.

PS: I completed my official first year exam in Bharatnatyam. Got my certificate :). Not bad huh?

"Now who in the world is that greatest idiot that thinks my living and not living matters to him/her?" That was the thought that entered my mind when I saw the bent rods on the front wheel of my two wheeler.

So to fill in the context details.. I use a Honda Dio two wheeler and commute to the office daily. Now, I'm not a wiz at auto mechanics but I do know that my bike has a disc brake on the front and a drum brake in the rear and the brake shoes of my rear brake have completely worn out and I've been planning for the past two weeks now to take them to the service center for repair. But for the time being, my disc brakes were in excellent shape. So I was completely taken aback when it almost crashed head-on into the car in front and missed by inches instead by scrapping on the side, while I'm still trying to stop the vehicle on the high way road.

After hours of haggling the damage cost with the car driver, I could finally push the vehicle to the nearest repair shop and peruse the reason for this odd behavior. Now to see how the brakes worked in my two wheeler, there are two 5-8 mm thick rods that hold the brake wires in place and are strong enough to make sure they can't be bent easily. The brake wires are too thick and can't be easily cut. I was totally shocked to find that someone had neatly bent one of the rods to release the brake wires. and the wire was completely loose, hanging by itself when I saw them. The junction where this is placed is pretty interior to the wheel and collision with rocks or bumps on the road don't sound like a possible explanation. Even tension doesn't fit in. There is no way this rod could be bent in this direction, if it was naturally cause by tension in the wires.Interesting.. and just to remember that the day before I had noted someone following me. Why? No idea. Can't be an attempt on me. I'm no one that popular. The last thing I remember on road is directing another driver to the location he wanted to go and I swear I've never misbehaved to arouse anyone's anger in this fashion. May be it's the work of those Kannadiga fanatics that don't like TN board vehicles. Strange!!! Why play with lives?

This is an interesting article I read today. Flawed algorithms and doting programmers!!! The fact that I liked about this article was the boldness in criticism that the author makes of mistaken algorithms. It takes courage to debunk accepted facts and I like the "only the quants could understand it — if, that is, they did". :) It's time computing became more matured and refined.

{on the lighter side, Man, for once I'm happy for standing on one leg and doing every stint possible with the newspaper guy for one month to get an edition of Hindu delivered! Now, that's what I call an article and the words you see in there is "the" language of a newspaper. Somehow the best in newspapers at least is something I couldn't compromise.}

http://www.hindu.com/2008/10/17/stories/2008101751371100.htm
Did software cause the crisis? Sean Dodson

Amid all the fallout from the financial turmoil, one group has yet to feel the accusing finger of blame: the analysts who built the computer software that drove the derivatives markets that, in turn, drove the financial collapse. Since the Big Bang of the 1980s, large amounts of stocks and shares — and derivatives of them — have been traded automatically by computers rather than by humans. These so-called “algotrades” accounted for as much as 40 per cent of all trades on the London Stock Exchange in 2006; on some American equity markets the figure can be as high as 80 per cent.

The people who write the algorithms that drive the software are called quantities analysts, often referred to simply as “quants.” They are generally physics and mathematics graduates working in risk management — calculating whether a given deal is a good idea — and derivatives pricing, which entails putting a figure on trades that in effect bet on other trades. It’s enormously complex, which is why only the quants could understand it — if, that is, they did. History now suggests they didn’t.

The rise of the quants has mirrored the automation of the financial markets; and as many of the newer markets, such as swaps (a sort of insurance) and derivatives, have been unregulated, the quants who have been responsible for developing the hugely complicated systems that in the end brought many of the western world’s banks to their knees. As Richard Dooling wrote in the New York Times: “Somehow the genius quants — the best and brightest geeks Wall Street firms could buy — fed $1 trillion in subprime mortgage debt into their supercomputers, added some derivatives, massaged the arrangements with computer algorithms and — poof! — created $62 trillion in imaginary wealth.”

Those algorithms were based on risk assessments that were seriously flawed, based only on the risk to the market at that moment, rather on cold, hard empirical data about a person’s ability to pay and what would happen if a lot, rather than a few of them, stopped.

It seems we are at the mercy of the machine. — © Guardian Newspapers Limited, 2008

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TR2-JVA_upw

A few video responses:

I am half way through the video and involuntarily my hand starts moving down. Down, down, down until they touch the Bata Chappal on my right foot and stop in time to realize that they are new for one and the other that it's only my laptop that would bear the brunt of this incident.

"One more video?".. (In typical vadivelu style) Vaandaam, Vaandaam, Valikkudu, Kadula rattham varudu, Azhududuven..

My friend all the way from Denmark after the above's video on "Killing every Khalid".
"Only one teaspoon of kerosene and a match stick right?" (I swear we caught him cooking dinner)
"Why?"
"To set the grass like thing under his chin on fire?"
"No.. why waste? with all the oil crisis? Staple him to a tree with the same thing and have a municipality mad dog run amok."

How..? How..? How..? that's all my flatmate could say after trying to understand the logic behind the argument until I sprinkled a few drops of water to bring her back to reality. And yes, beware, the above video could do this to you.

Best Ad campaign ever: Check this video and convert to Christianity.

Lastly my laptop conched from the start to voice's it's liberty to play!!!

Jokes apart I know a lot of my Muslim friends that are a lot more sensible in reasoning than this!!! But just for argument's sake, and hypothetically if I was to rule India then show me one muslim who, may not feel the same as I feel right now but, is atleast not in compliance with what is said and I will make sure every generation of his/her lives in peace ever after in India. After all, India is Secular and a few mad people like the above have to be put up with.

I smiled after looking at the first photo...you will also smile. Just scroll down and you will get to know the story of Will Power.
Here it goes....

You thought the dog is imitating the man.....

 

Entertaining the college kids...right?

Now have a close look at it....

So....

Got the message???

Despite being an animal he gets respect...

He gets warm welcome everywhere.. ..

He gets a pat on his shoulder...

He is STAND-ALONE

The doors are open for only those who believe in themselves and Will Power which can make an animal walk on TWO LEGS...!!
I won't say pass it on to others....I know you will

By gones are by gones and I've grown utterly tired of maintaining such a sad site... so here I come with a fresh revamp. Swoosh.. Let's make life and living better.

While it would have been very easy to delete a few blogs and continue, what has happened has happened and will never change no matter what. So instead of trying to hide it and deny truth, I might as well pile it with better stuff. May be the better ones will outweigh what does not need focus anymore. what say? I know I have been very stupid and have used my smart brain asininity in certain blogs, thinking I know the best but hell!!! May be it served the purpose. May be it did not. May be I lost a lot of friends or may be a few are just silent. It's ok. Que Cera Cera. Whatever happens will happen. And I'm determined to make the best use of my time now.

So to start off...!!! Here comes the first bang.. To hell with Google, trackers and search engines..the first thing I want to complain is about the lopsided advantage a few people have in the internet, the reason for which I'm red, blue and pink, all at the same time right now!!! [and no.. I'm no elephant. if you have read some of those elephant jokes]. For as short as half a day, around the globe some body can read the linkless comment I made about their presentation during a techie event about two weeks ago in my blog and respond immediately. I am spell bound. Agast. Flushed to the core.. whatever you say..How could he? How could.. Arre yaar, what happened to those secure days that you could write anything and everything and it took ages for people to reach them. Zamana Badal gaya hai.... manithan maari vittan..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sq6u4XVrr58
Great work. I hope there is good progress in this field. There would be no so called anomalies there after.

I found the following sequels good too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DCSJdhy3-0
Frankly I would pay to be certified sick if this argument is correct. Good humour.